Put on some lipstick...maybe some eyeliner...i think you'll find that things are fine and they're gonna get much finer.

When I feel at my worst, I tend to take care of myself in the best ways. I'm in bed fast asleep by 10:30 (and I nap after work, too). I stay very hydrated. I cook only very healthy meals...and don't have much of an appetite. I run and I run and I run. Think of that seminar paper in May of last year: I ran so much that I gave myself a stress fracture in both the literal and figurative sense.

It's when I'm happy that I eat and I don't care. Pizza. French fries (man, what is it with my level of happiness and my love of french fries? I think I was hitting up five guys once a week for the month of june), ice cream...when i'm in it, i'm a pig in dirt. when i'm in it, i'm a wagonload of devils.

It's like...when I started this blog, I was trying to force myself into some happier mood via filling the happiness void with pizza. You'll remember it didn't work, even with a steady pizza intake. I wasn't ever really enjoying it. I was kinda faking it. I was just throwing myself into something (not unlike a long run) to keep my mind off the problems at hand. And...what didn't really make it in here was the fact that those 3 or 4 pizza meals per week were like, compensation for the 20 salads with flax crackers that I'd been eating (and lettuce wraps stuffed with cheese, alfalfa sprouts, tomato, and horseradish. actually...that sounds like a good lunch...hmmm).

And then, boom. Stuff got better. I graduated. I met a guy. I had a job. I had a house that came equipped with a large garden, concrete countertops, washer, dryer, and a laboradoodle. I was eating pizza all the time (and why not? it was for the blog! it was in the name of...literary science! And the best new years resolution ever, to boot!) and thinking I'd blog about it...later. When stuff stopped feeling so good. When I had time. When I wasn't out doing something awesome.

Gosh, what's my point? My point is...look at what I do when I'm unhappy. When I need to stay preoccupied. I get the bills paid early. I follow a healthy diet and exercise plan without trying. I read books and yet still manage to get 8 hours of sleep. I submit to publications. I study for the GRE. I finally catch up on Daria. I write poems. I write journals. I write papers. I write blogs. I'm...a better version of me? I'm proving some point? I socialize on weekends. I go to house parties and basement shows and dancing. I dress really nice. I wear more eyeliner. Is it the general haze of glumness that settles upon me when I stop moving for too long that motivates me? Is it something deep in my subconsious breathing down my neck about some version of the American dream? "Do this and you'll find streets paved with gold. You'll be happy. You'll be happy!"

Is this what we all do? Or am I crazy?

Jersey Shore Style

This past weekend, I trekked to the Jersey Shore and had a wonderful weekend with my family and friends. Now, I'm struggling to figure out how I can re-appropriate the acronym GTL for my pizza blog...um...Greasy Tasty um...Lunch? Are there any words starting with L that are associated with pizza? Or starting with G or T for that matter? I'm thinking of slice, pie, um...yeah, even Za (shudder...) Other slang we know of? Please share!


Anyhow, while down the shore, I tried to maximize my pizza exposure by eating pizza flavored Combos during my drive up, and by going to 'A Slice of Heaven' Saturday night.

The combos...where to begin? Do they even count as pizza-esque? It's hard to say--certain pizza flavored things do manage to be pleasantly reminiscent of pizza. Case in point? Keebler's Pizzarias in the 80s and 90s. Best pizza chips EVER. Good enough that petitions for their return exist. But the Combos? Um...well. Not so great. They were the pretzel type, and...they mostly tasted like pretzels with cheese dust, not pizza-esque. It needed...more modified tomato product and artificial oregano essences, I think. They did fulfill my need to chomp on things whilst driving in traffic, so in that sense, they were satisfying. However, in regards to flavor and satiation, they failed quite miserably as a foodstuff.


Once I arrived at the shore, I got to spend some wonderful time with Anne and Karen, two of my best friends from Kalamazoo. Anne has been mentioned here several times already, and even been credited as my inspiration and muse for the pizza blog. Karen, however, was unaware of the pizza blog prior to this weekend. She's been inducted, now, and was a willing pizza accomplice Saturday night when we went out on the town.

We started our evening at Fantasy Island Amusement Park. Were my fantasies fulfilled? You know it. How, you ask? Well...they had skee ball. And no shore vacation could be complete in my mind without some serious skee ball.

All of that skee ball, however, works up an appetite, so of course we had to grab a post skee ball slice next door at Slice of Heaven. Yes folks, you read it right. I got to experience the fulfillment of my fantasies and heaven both in one night. Such joys can only be had at the Jersey shore, clearly.

Was my slice heavenly? Texture-wise...yes! It was a very nicely crisp but pliable thin crusted slice. Toppings wise? It had fallen from grace a bit. The sauce was weak and a bit too canned tasting, and the cheese was a bit oily and cheap tasting...that is, by the end of my slice, it had congealed into something more like solid grease and salt, and less like a dairy product. But, nonetheless, a slice at that moment did make me quite happy.

people been talking

So, yeah. I've not reviewed any pizza lately. People are noticing. They're talking. They're suggesting I fell off the pizza wagon, maybe.

Maybe.

Or, maybe I've just found myself preoccupied with other things. Graduating. Preparing to move. New job.

Or...maybe I've lost my pizza mojo.

I need my pizza mojo back. I want you all to help me. Hence, I'm planning a pizza mojo party, soon.

But what goes into a pizza mojo party? Do we have pizza baking competitions? Do we see what toppings work best on pizzas (to recall Australia Day 2007, gummy bear pizza anyone?) or do we go out to a restaurant for a ridiculous pizza feast?

You tell me. How do I get my pizza mojo back?

hot pockets

So, when I was out of work and uncertain of my future, I bought a bunch of hot pockets--well, lean pockets--cos they were on sale. Is it a good idea, nutritionally, to go on a hot pocket diet? Absolutely not. And this is especially true when there are only two vegetarian varieties of lean pocket: cheddar and broccoli, and pizza. But whatever. For a week I was having a hot pocket for either lunch or dinner, and, with the sale price, they broke down to less than 75 cents per meal.

Now, a pizza hot pocket counts as pizza-esque, so I'm going to review it. The box proclaimed some nonsense about a newly improved seasoned pocket. I don't have much to compare for, so I'll take their word for it, but the seasoning seemed to be mostly salt. Newly improved salted crust? Ok.

So, for those unfamiliar with hot pocket preparation, let me fill you in. Hot pockets do not come with origamiable boxes. No no. They come with crisping sleeves that, in theory, transform into carrying cases post-microwaving, for ease of carrying, and mess and burn free eating. But, look. I ate like, half a dozen hot pockets in two weeks, and let me tell you. The crisping sleeve fulfills neither of it's purposes well. My hot pockets were neither crispy, nor easier to handle thanks to this sleeve. In fact, in all cases, whilst following the microwave instructions to a t (and then later modifying them due to failures), every single time the hot pocket ruptured inside it's crisping sleeve, oozing saucy cheesy goo out of the sides of the sleeve. The subsequent mess made folding the sleeve into it's carrying pouch shape near impossible, and also defeated any neatness potential from the sleeve. The thin cardboard also did little to protect my fingers from the hot grease and cheese oozing from the hot pocket's core. I found that the best preparation method was to place the hot pocket in the sleeve out of simple faith or a childlike yearning to believe (one believes in the crisping potential of the sleeve much in the way one believes in leprechauns or the easter bunny), then place the hot pocket and sleeve on a few paper towels. Then, post microwaving, wrap the heated hot pocket in the paper towels to consume, slowly pushing it up through the cardboard crisping tube from the bottom, much like a push pop.

Uh, so. Yeah. How do they taste? They taste ok. Like cheese, sauce, and dough. The pizza ones are significantly tastier than the broccoli and cheddar ones. The dough is a bit gummy. They taste like junk food. They taste like salt. A lot of salt. They taste like they're not gonna fill you up. They taste like when you're done eating them, you're gonna feel like you didn't eat anything at all. And actually, often, they don't taste like much at all because I always burn my tongue on the first bite, when the innards explode onto my tongue like an erupting volcano. Also, I just re-read that last sentence and I'm thinking of breaking into a new literary genre of food porn writing.

Anyhow. The point is, I'm glad that I have a job again and I can stop eating hot pockets. The other point is, I won't be entertaining Jim Gaffigan jokes, so zip it.


On an entirely different note, my grandfather's kidney is failing. I'm not handling this news well.

back in the saddle. the pizza eating saddle.

I'm back. I have gainful employment again starting Monday, I passed my thesis defense and earned my master's degree, and though he's not really well, my grandfather is out of the hospital. I feel I can write again without it feeling frivolous.

Oh geez, but there is so much to catch up on!

I have 4 things to tell you all about: the Food Wars DC episode, Denver pizza, hot pockets (yes, hot pockets), and Comet pizza (and ping pong!).

Hold me to it, I'm gonna start here with the Food Wars.

So, back in February during Snowtorious B.I.G., the Travel Channel came to DC to pit Jumbo Slice against Pizza Mart in Adams Morgan, to see who had the better ginormous slice of pizza (they double as bedsheets for those too drunk to make it home). You can see my original review of a DC jumbo slice from Pizza Mart in my very first pizza blog endeavor here (it's pizza number 3). I'm sad that I missed this moment in DC pizza television history due to the snow. Pizza Mart, my choice between the two, did come out on top, and Carla of Top Chef fame (my all time fave Top Chef, too) chose the winner. It was a good slice of tv, and I recommend checkin it out.


Now. Look forward to the other posts over the next few days. I promise.

need to update

I have stuff to write about Denver and the pizza I ate there, and I have photos to post, but I've not really been feeling up to it lately. I got laid off unexpectedly on Tuesday, and it's been a really ugly mess. The situation is kinda complex, and I'm really bummed out. I'm also frantically searching for a new job. Also, my grandfather is in the hospital, which I can't even think about right now without getting very upset. So, due to all around blah-ness, I'm taking a short pizza blogging break.

Pizza fun fact of the day

In Scotland chip shops, they serve a dish known as deep-fried pizza. It is what it sounds like, and more! Not only is the pizza deep-fried (both battered and non-battered varieties are available, with the battered type going by 'pizza crunch'), but then it's served with french fries--and the fries are often stuffed inside the pizza like a pizza and french fry sandwich--and smothered in brown sauce.

I...want it?


Check the wiki article for it here



On a different note, I'm headed to Denver this afternoon for the AWP conference. Hopefully while I'm there I'll get to eat some local pizza. How will Denver pizza compare to DC? We'll have to see...